I've been working with homeless persons for 11 years now.
Every winter for about 6 months I see what it's like to work with those in need to work with the church, and depend on God.
It's opened my eyes a lot.
I've been yanked and stretched.
I've been uncomfortable.
The whole experience has made me ask hard questions.
I would say it's been the best thing to happen to me.
I've grown closer to God and have learned more about love, trust and Jesus.
One thing though that has nearly crippled me is our talk as a church about serving Jesus, and transformation in Jesus, but seeing very little of it actually happen.
In my own life I see the gulf between my faith and my actions.
I'm just really content to live for my own comfort.
I've gone through a lot of anger the past 2 years.
It's really frightened me.
I haven't felt full of faith, strong and sure.
Instead, I've been afraid, full of doubt, unsure, and weak.
It wasn't always that way, so I've been scared of what that means.
Is God still there?
Does He still listen?
Has my love turned cold?
Will He use me anymore or am I shriveled dead fruit?
I've grown closer to God and have learned more about love, trust and Jesus.
One thing though that has nearly crippled me is our talk as a church about serving Jesus, and transformation in Jesus, but seeing very little of it actually happen.
In my own life I see the gulf between my faith and my actions.
I'm just really content to live for my own comfort.
I've gone through a lot of anger the past 2 years.
It's really frightened me.
I haven't felt full of faith, strong and sure.
Instead, I've been afraid, full of doubt, unsure, and weak.
It wasn't always that way, so I've been scared of what that means.
Is God still there?
Does He still listen?
Has my love turned cold?
Will He use me anymore or am I shriveled dead fruit?
I never gave up though on God. When it comes right down to it,for me there's just no other answer to life other than Him. I know who I was before and what I experienced when I gave my life to Him and there's just no denying that something happened. So I believe. No matter what, I believe.
But the struggles and questions persist.
In 2 Corinthians, Paul was struggling,and he asked God to take away the thing causing his struggle and God said to him "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
But the struggles and questions persist.
In 2 Corinthians, Paul was struggling,and he asked God to take away the thing causing his struggle and God said to him "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
I've come to the conclusion that God really means it when He says "My grace is sufficient".
He's not taking away my struggles they are part of who I am. I can beat myself up about it. I can rant at the world. I can run and hide.
I mentioned in the post before this that I was part of an all girls week of camp.
The whole week was about coming out of our hiding and being real with ourselves, God and others.
God showed me a lot through that experience.
So, here I am.
I have lots of questions, and I don't understand much. I'm even still angry sometimes :)
But, I'm stepping out from my hiding place with all my flaws and falling on His grace for I know that it's sufficient.
He's not taking away my struggles they are part of who I am. I can beat myself up about it. I can rant at the world. I can run and hide.
I mentioned in the post before this that I was part of an all girls week of camp.
The whole week was about coming out of our hiding and being real with ourselves, God and others.
God showed me a lot through that experience.
So, here I am.
I have lots of questions, and I don't understand much. I'm even still angry sometimes :)
But, I'm stepping out from my hiding place with all my flaws and falling on His grace for I know that it's sufficient.
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